Hello, Mom. I am also, Mom. I am also; Nicole, Coley or Nikki Manaj (only when my husband is trying to annoy me). I became a new mother on January 11, 2016. My pregnancy was easy and enjoyable. After being induced and in labor for some time, I pushed for 35 minutes and Judah was born beautifully healthy. Just 7 weeks later, we were back in the hospital with a traumatic virus. Click the link to read more: My Unplanned Motherhood
Before children, we are called by our name. After children, we are called by our new universal name, Mom. Or as this Family Guy meme highlights it:
Whew! Who/what attempted to prepared us for endless, sleepless nights and unexpected hospital/doctor visits? For untamable hormones that caused us to weep over something we would have laughed at pre-pregnancy. Or the unwanted and irreversible stretched skin. Becoming a new wife at 20 and only 22 as a new mother, it was all new for me!
Thankfully, we have supportive family and friends. They brought us dinners and diapers, sent us flowers and books. Woman would encourage me by complimenting my postpartum body and how amazing I was doing for exclusively breastfeeding. I would always smile say thank you but what I needed was more than compliments. I needed mothers of all ages to tell me the truth.
That it’s hard.
Changing diapers all day and night is hard. Breastfeeding is hard. Trying to clean and cook and keep a tiny human alive while looking partly alive is hard. Satisfying sexual desires of your partner when sex is the furthest thing on your list of survival is hard. Posting the cutest newborn pictures and show casing everything as easy and fun on social media is hard.
Does it get easier?
Well, Judah is turning 2 years old next month and I would answer, no.
Yes, I have lost all of my pregnancy weight. We are able to get a full nights sleep most nights. Judah was successfully weened after 19 months of exclusively breastfeeding. We have pushed through months of his constipation problem, literally. Since RSV, we battle bronchitis too regularly but get through it without much more than doctor visits and breathing treatments. But that’s not the end.
Now there are new levels to achieve and overcome. The toddler 2’s… throwing fits of rage for not being allowed to pour juice on the floor and dance in it like it’s a rain puddle. Keeping his brain healthy with educational activities and his body strong with whole foods that aren’t a 4 piece happy meal from McDonald’s are also challenging. All the while never being prepared or given teachable insight on how to balance it all.
This is the part where the seasoned mother’s come into play. Did you know the Bible commands older wives to teach younger wives? Yup, it literally tells them to help us be honorable new wives/moms:
“3 Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers.[a] Instead, they should teach others what is good. 4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, 5 to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes,[b] to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.“ Titus 2:3-5 NLT
I intentionally have women friends that are significantly older than me. They are loving examples of what it looks like to age graciously in a world that makes you feel like you need to look like Kim K, to give generously when everyone seems to be in it for themselves and they’re full of wisdom and insight on much more. If it weren’t for those women who have invested in my life to be a better wife, mother and Christian, I would be a different person today.
Older women, please don’t be hesitant in reaching out to us younger women! We so desperately need you, more than you may think. We need to hear the truth of how you overcame wanting to escape your marriage and everything else during a dark season in your life. Or how you learned to cook weekly meals for your family when no one taught you how to fry an egg. We need to see your scars to believe that healing is real. We need Jesus in you.
Be who you needed when you were younger.
Younger women, don’t give up. One day you will be one of these older women helping a younger woman like yourself. You will show her that motherhood is more than how fast your body bounces back or doesn’t bounce back after having a child. All of your wild and free times of concerts and midnight coney dates with your best friends aren’t over, just more sacred when it does happen. Now you have a life to live and give more than just for yourself. You have a partner to do life with. Children to love and mold into all that you are and all that you aren’t.
So, is it easy? No. Does it get easier? Probably not. But is it rewarding? More than you could receive. Sow what you want to reap.